Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The Terrified Author Post
No, it's not another giveaway. *cue disappointed faces* This is the post where I confess how absolutely terrified I am that my book is coming out in 33 days. People might read it. Or they might not. They might like it. Or they might not. Right now, it's all in front of me--this big abstract MOMENT I've built up in my mind which could turn out to be anything from abysmally disappointing to supremely lovely to anywhere in between.
The strange thing is, as the release day ticks ever closer, instead of wanting to publicize and promote and pimp like crazy, more than ever I want to hide from the world--just hibernate in a comfy cell with no internet connection and emerge some time in May after it's all over. I'm an introvert at heart--always have been. Anything remotely resembling a spotlight sends me into "fight or flight" mode, and right now I'm a major flight risk.
But I know I can't go anywhere. I have a release date set. A launch party planned. Yes, family and friends and colleagues are coming out to cheer me on at a real live bookstore. There will be food! And a reading! And a signing! The stuff of my adolescent dreams! And while I am endlessly grateful for this opportunity and for the support of friends and loved ones, I am also still that little girl who cried when she got one question wrong on her Kindergarten achievement test.
Yes, I'm a perfectionist. A people pleaser. I want you to like me. I want you to like my words. The thought of my little book going out into the big scary world sometimes paralyzes me. And yet, this is why I took my manuscript out of the drawer one day and sent it away to agents. Because I wanted to be a writer then, and I still do. All introversion aside, I want to connect with people, and this is the best way I know how.
So on March 31, as much as I might want to hop the next flight to Mazatlan and not come back until I'm fluent in Spanish, I'll be at the Doylestown Bookshop signing copies of my book. If you live in the area, I'd love to see you there. And I'll try real hard not to throw up on your shoes.